Thanks so much to Lebowsky, who summoned the Power of the Peeps and gently reminded me that it was time. Way back in 2008, a 'viner called Celestina wrote what is still one of the best articles I have ever seen in here (or in most places). She came up with elevenish ways to kill a Peep (with her kids) and documented them. Complete with photos and hilarious, yet scientific, commentary. She and her family did some amazing experiments. I still don't know whether I like the photos or the commentary better - it's just all awesome. Here's a sample of her opening statement:
So, it's Easter/Ostara/Spring Equinox/whateveryoucallit, and as usual the stores are full of symbolic representations of our gratitude for new life. Pastels, chocolate eggs, and the persistent Peeps. Yes, the gooey marshmallow "treats" which line up in their neat little rows behind their cellophane windows to peer blankly out into the world through their vacant eyes. They practically beg to be abused, with their conformist attitudes, insubstantial nature, and misprinted features. And, inspired by this effort, my family and I decided to accommodate their blatantly masochistic inclinations. Thus, the afternoon before Easter, we invested $2 in two packs of the "bunny" variety of Peeps, and proceeded to destroy them in the most creative ways we could imagine. What follows is a record of our efforts.
Our experiments began at 4:30 pm on March 22, 2008. All bunnies were given a letter by which they could be distinguished, painted on their little sugary bellies with green food coloring by my obliging son. Only one pack was lettered, as the other was actually destined to be consumed (possibly), in a new and ingenious manner (which will be detailed later). Pack one eventually held twelve yellow bunnies, their bellies proudly displaying letters "A" through "L". I like to think they volunteered for the experiment, and in those moments before the first bunny met a horrible end they were probably thinking how brave and proud they felt. You could see it on their stupid little faces.
Every spring, I resurrect her article before Easter. Those who have read it before get to enjoy it all over again, and our new 'viners, or 'viners who just hadn't seen this before, encounter something truly amazing. Please, check it out - you will not be disappointed. Unless, that is, you are one of those strange people who actually like Peeps and think torturing them is wrong. Then, you'll probably call the ASPCA, who will probably inform you that they also hate Peeps and that you're a weirdo.
The link is:
Happy Ostara/Easter/Spring Equinox/whateveryoucallit - and death to Peeps! A toast to Celestina is also in order. I miss her and her genius, both the writing and the photography. To our 'viners who know her, cheers - and to those who don't know her, cheers as well. This is the best of the old 'vine, when we took the time to write great articles and they got traction. Maybe it's time to resurrect a little of that spirit?
The worst thing of all is that apparently now they've devised a way to keep Peeps from getting stale. Most people who can actually manage to eat Peeps only like them when they're stale. WTF? And now there are Peeps for all seasons, which is just plain wrong. It's sacrilege, I tell you.